I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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