Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
