is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
