i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
