Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
