Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
