some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You smell like stripper and shame
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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