I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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