Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
