trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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