I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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