my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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