pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
