how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
