I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
