Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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