I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
