You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
