I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
