I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
