That's when you crack a 10am beer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
