Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
