i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dick very happy bro
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
