24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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