it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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