dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
where does the pee come out of this thing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
