I can tuck mytits in my pants
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
