We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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