She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
