I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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