I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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