There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
