so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
