ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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