why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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