we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
