Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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