conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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