i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
