God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
