Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
