Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I understand Curling. That high.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
