dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
