please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
