I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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