I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Text me some of your sweat
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
