he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
