Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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