Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
