I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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